Wednesday, June 24, 2009

What Do You Think?

My "baby" is 22 months old. Exactly. She was 15 months old when Clarence died. She never really understood or knew that mommy was pregnant.
I have a picture of Clarence out in our room. I don't "hide" him from her. We speak of him and don't censor ourselves. Do you think that is healthy? Is that OK for her? I don't ever want to hide the fact that she has a baby brother up in Heaven.
I don't go out of my way to "show" her Clarence either. I have picked up his picture on occasion and pointed to him and said to her "baby". She has picked up his teddy bear I have next to his picture and I have let her play with it telling her it is Clarence's bear. I figure if he is spoken of naturally, that one day it will be natural for her to ask about him. Or that she will grow up knowing about him already.
What do you think?


Anonymous said...

I don't have any advice but I'm sure she'll love to know more about her brother when the time feels right. Much love

Shana said...

I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

Barbara said...

I think if it feels natural to you then it will feel natural to her.


Michele said...

I think it is wonderfully healthy. I think it would be worse if one day she "found out" about a brother she never knew about. While you keep Clarence alive in the home, you will allow her to keep him alive in her heart. I cant think of anything more beautiful.

Bluebird said...

I have no idea, having not been down this road myself. But in my carries-no-weight opinion, it sounds like you're handling it as best as you can. Or, at least that's how I imagine I would handle it :)

stina978 said...

I agree, I think it's wonderful! Our girls were older than yours, so they knew there was a baby in Mommy's belly that went to Heaven to live with Jesus. But we have an U/S picture if her in the living room and we talk about her often... and how this baby is a different one :)

However the girls do not know there was another baby, it was too soon to tell them and I don't think their minds can grasp a loss that early (6weeks). So one day when they are older and the subject comes up... but when they are ready.

Just Breathe said...

I think it is a good idea. It is her brother and there will be a time when she really understands what happened and at the same time will remember that she knew all along because of you.

Anonymous said...

My sons were 8 and 6 when Evan died.. so they had a pretty clear understanding of what was going on. How sad mommy was. But I have found that even though we don't speak of Evan all of the time out loud, they know him . They get upset when I say we will have 3 kids... they quickly correct me and so NO WE HAVE 4! "It doesn't matter that he is not here.. he is part of our family" My youngest will look up at night and say goodnight to Evan sometimes. It really touches my heart. And this is done ALL by them... no prompting from me.

So, I guess what I am saying is that I think you are doing the right thing. Even though she may not ever completely understand, there is still that feeling of knowing that he was there. He is part of your family.

Wow... our roads are just so similar.