Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Most Perfect Day

I did get to have one perfect, blissful day in my pregnancy with Clarence. November the 10th. It was a Monday and I had been doing strict bed rest for 2 weeks, hoping to resolve the Subchorionic Hematoma. I had an appointment with my OB for a f/u. That day there was NO CLOT on the ultra sound!! I was so, so, so unbelievably happy. I allowed myself to go to Babies R Us and buy some things for my baby. It was so much fun since this time we knew what gender we were having. I picked out an adorable baby book, light blue with a fuzzy tan teddy bear on the cover. It is funny that I picked this one, because usually I go for the sports stuff for boys, or sailboats. I also got a frame to put an ultrasound picture in. Just like the one we had for Kensington, except in blue. This was fun! Last I picked out a bib with a cute dinosaur on it that said "I'm the little brother!"

Not too long after bringing these treasures home I started writing in his baby book. I am glad I did, because I don't know that I would have the heart to start it now. For some reason it is easier to think of finishing his baby book now knowing it is already started. Otherwise I am not sure I could do it. So while I will only be able to fill his baby book in up to 5 months, I will be able to fill it with other things. Ultra sound pictures galore! We have a ton! 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, 13 weeks, 13 weeks 5 get the picture. And around 14 weeks pregnant I started taking belly shots. I took them through to week 18 I think. So I will have those to add. My one regret is that we didn't get a 20 week shot. For some reason 19 weeks came and went without us taking a picture. On Thanksgiving day we were going to do a belly shot. But then we all know what happened next. And while I won't be able to fill his baby book with cards of well wishes and congratulations from my baby shower and such...I do have a huge stack of lovely sympathy cards to add. It is amazing the out pouring of love we recieved from people. Little gifts and momentos given, beautiful flowers. I made sure to take pictures of the flowers to add to his book as well.

And while my dear Clarence was snuggled inside of me, he got to go with his mommy to see her childhood crushes in concert! New Kids on the Block! lol! We traveled all the way to Cleveland. And he got to go with mommy and daddy to see the "So You Think You Can Dance" tour. I will make sure to add that in there too. Oh and he got to go to his daddy's highschool reunion and his home town Apple festival.

So that was my amazing, blissful day. And it actually carried on for about 2 weeks. Until I had another hemorrhage. I will always remember the feeling I had that day though. A worry free day, confident that we had made it through the storm and come out the other end stronger. Me and my baby boy were gonna be just fine. Little did I know God had other plans for my Clarence. It's one of those things you think will NEVER happen to you, ya know? Someone I "know of" from SoulCysters lost her baby around the time I had my blissful day. I remember finding that out, that at 25 weeks (or so) her baby's heart stopped beating. I remember thinking "how awful" and "how does someone go through labor and give birth to their deceased child?" "How does someone survive that?" Again, little did I know....

But to end on a positive note. Remember the irony of me picking out that baby book with the teddy bear on it? Well shortly after Clarence was born, they brought him to us in a little basket. He was dressed in a tiny gown with a little white cap on. He had snuggly blankets all around him...and a little tan teddy bear. I think God sent me to that baby book for a reason. Now where ever I see teddy bears I think of Clarence. But it is ok. They are happy thoughts.


The Flukens said...

Aw, that is so awesome that God gave you that amazing day with your amazing little man!

Heidi said...

Although Clarence was only here a short time, he will NEVER be forgotten. He was a blessing and is now a perfect, guardian angel. Love you!

Tracey said...

What a beautiful, wonderful day. I'm so glad you got to have it and remember it in such detail. My heart is always with you.