Not too long after bringing these treasures home I started writing in his baby book. I am glad I did, because I don't know that I would have the heart to start it now. For some reason it is easier to think of finishing his baby book now knowing it is already started. Otherwise I am not sure I could do it. So while I will only be able to fill his baby book in up to 5 months, I will be able to fill it with other things. Ultra sound pictures galore! We have a ton! 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, 13 weeks, 13 weeks 5 days...you get the picture. And around 14 weeks pregnant I started taking belly shots. I took them through to week 18 I think. So I will have those to add. My one regret is that we didn't get a 20 week shot. For some reason 19 weeks came and went without us taking a picture. On Thanksgiving day we were going to do a belly shot. But then we all know what happened next. And while I won't be able to fill his baby book with cards of well wishes and congratulations from my baby shower and such...I do have a huge stack of lovely sympathy cards to add. It is amazing the out pouring of love we recieved from people. Little gifts and momentos given, beautiful flowers. I made sure to take pictures of the flowers to add to his book as well.
And while my dear Clarence was snuggled inside of me, he got to go with his mommy to see her childhood crushes in concert! New Kids on the Block! lol! We traveled all the way to Cleveland. And he got to go with mommy and daddy to see the "So You Think You Can Dance" tour. I will make sure to add that in there too. Oh and he got to go to his daddy's highschool reunion and his home town Apple festival.
So that was my amazing, blissful day. And it actually carried on for about 2 weeks. Until I had another hemorrhage. I will always remember the feeling I had that day though. A worry free day, confident that we had made it through the storm and come out the other end stronger. Me and my baby boy were gonna be just fine. Little did I know God had other plans for my Clarence. It's one of those things you think will NEVER happen to you, ya know? Someone I "know of" from SoulCysters lost her baby around the time I had my blissful day. I remember finding that out, that at 25 weeks (or so) her baby's heart stopped beating. I remember thinking "how awful" and "how does someone go through labor and give birth to their deceased child?" "How does someone survive that?" Again, little did I know....
But to end on a positive note. Remember the irony of me picking out that baby book with the teddy bear on it? Well shortly after Clarence was born, they brought him to us in a little basket. He was dressed in a tiny gown with a little white cap on. He had snuggly blankets all around him...and a little tan teddy bear. I think God sent me to that baby book for a reason. Now where ever I see teddy bears I think of Clarence. But it is ok. They are happy thoughts.