Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Only Grandson

I've been waiting for it. I knew it would happen one day. I didn't know how I would react. I think I handled it with dignity...and I hope I made everyone think twice about what was just said. It felt surreal to have it said. My husband fell right into the trap too. I am hurt by that. Pissed almost.

So I only have one nephew. I have teased him before with the statement "Tyler, you are my favorite nephew". The rebuttal always is, as expected "I'm your ONLY nephew Aunt Alisha!"

So, I know where the statement was coming from. I surely know where it was headed.

Chad (my husband), Kensi, Brenden, I and mother and father in law all piled into our van to go to dinner last night. As we were backing out of the driveway my father in law said "Brenden, you are my favorite grandson".

"His only grandson" was the reply from my husband.

"No he's not" I said.

"Yes, he is" said Chad. He looked at me confused.

"His only LIVING grandson" I said.

"Oh, right"

And that was it. Nothing else was said.

I sat in the passenger seat wanting to scream looking @ the little angle dangling from my rear view mirror. A tiny little Clarence purchased for me by a virtual stranger. Just to let me know that he is remembered. Never forgotten.

"He's right here!" I wanted to yell. "Right here!!! How can you possibly forget about him when he is right here!? Just because he isn't alive doesn't mean that he doesn't count. He counts damn it. He counts!"

But I remained silent. I know it was unintentional. It still hurt though.

A similar thing happened when my family went "home" to visit my parents a few weeks ago. My mother had a picture of Clarence up on her bureau in her dining room. She also had a picture of her and my father with Clarence and on of me and my husband with Clarence. She made the comment that she had showed my uncle those pictures a few days ago and he said that she might not want to have those up when I came to visit. That it might hurt my feelings or make me sad. Really!!!???? He couldn't have been further from the truth.

Why does everyone want to ignore the "elephant in the room"? Clarence is very real. He did exist. He did live. He can not just be forgotten or brushed under the rug. You are not sparing me my feelings by not mentioning him. What you are doing is sparing your own feelings. You use the excuse that you are sparing mine. When in actuality you don't want to deal with the difficult feelings it brings up for you to mention his name. Lets get that straight people. No more freaking excuses. Own up already. Listen to what I am saying. Ignorance is bliss for only so long. Then it is just stupidity and selfishness.

A lot more came out just now than I intended to type.

I feel good.


Barbara said...

Our men deal with this in such different ways. Ray rarely mentions George but I know he misses him.

We're so bad at dealing with death, especially baby death, especially death before birth.

Keep letting it out.


Anonymous said...

Let it out, scream it out if you have to, we're here to listen and will always remember and acknowledge Clarence. It's very hard when the rest of the world doesn't.