Saturday, March 28, 2009

Under The Tree

There is a wonderful special place for us Babylost Mamas to meet. Under The Tree was created by Carly. The same lovely lady who created To Write Their Names In The Sand. It was created as a place for us all to gather together and talk of our lost babies. To share what is in our hearts. To bring us all together and meet other mamas and bring new readers to their blogs. I am honored to be able to participate in this. Today will be my first meeting.

Do you have a special place in your home for your baby/ies? What is it like? Do you have any rituals that you perform in memory of your baby/ies?
I do have a little place set up in our bedroom. It is on the little dressing table that goes with our bedroom set. Here I have a framed poem "The Broken Chain" that Chad's parents got us in memory of Clarence. It has an engraved brass plate @ the bottom with Clarence's full name and date of birth. Next to that is a little glass angel Chad's mother got me for Christmas. Then I have a wooden memory box a wonderful friend and Cyster sent me to hold little mementos of Clarence dear. A molding of his foot print taken by the nurses and the teddy bear that was snuggled with him when they brought him to us in his basket. The picture you see, you will recognize @ the top of my blog. This was taken by me and is my most precious possession. Here he looks like a sweet little angel to me. Snuggled and cozy and sleeping. Peaceful. I am so thankful for this beautiful picture of my son. If I was left with only the photos the hospital staff took, I would be so disappointed. They tried so hard and were just wonderful. However, the photo's were either cold and unnatural, or extremely blurry from the poor quality of the disposable camera.

If you believe in an afterlife, do you receive signs from your baby/ies? Have you ever felt their presence? Do you find them in nature? Do they visit you in your dreams?

Something about this angel touches me. I can't quite explain it. Maybe because it is so tiny and perfect like he was? I almost feel like this angel was made with the very purpose to represent him. The blue gown, the stone so close to his birthstone, Topaz. The fact that it came from a virtual stranger, just so I would know that he was being thought of. That he would not be forgotten.
It hangs in my rear view mirror. And I am not gonna lie. I feel him with me when I am near it.
As I drive with Kensington to and from play dates or on errands, I glance back @ her in the rear view mirror. Talking to her or singing with her or even checking to see if she has fallen asleep. And when I do, I catch a glimpse of this tiny little angel dangling from the mirror and I feel him there. He is with us on our outings. Waiting in the car to hear of our adventures when we return. Giggling along as I sing out loud and dance in the car, trying to make Kensi laugh and dance with me. He is there. And I am so so grateful for that.
Do you have a special poem, song, prayer or quote in memory of your baby/ies?
The answer to this question is relatively new. Every time I visited Carly's blog I heard this beautiful song. It just grabbed my heart and made it hum. It brought tears to my eyes and made my soul and arms ache with emptiness. It is the song you hear playing now as you come to this blog. After returning to Carly's page over and over and having it touch me every time I finally figured out how to add it to my page. It is "Family" by Dar Williams. Someone I had never heard of. If you haven't heard it already, take a listen.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing Clarence with us. He was a beautiful baby. I love his tiny feet casts. I'm sorry the NICU nurses weren't able to get you better photos though. That breaks my heart.

I listened to the song by Dar Williams and I'm going to try and get my DH to buy it for me on CD

Rebekah said...

Thank you for sharing, the Broken Chain is a beautiful poem as is the song. I love that you have Clarence's footprints- they're precious!

Carly Marie said...

Clarence is gorgeous,

You are beautiful :)

I am just so sorry you couldn't keep him.

I so love that Dar Williams song, especially because she is singing about a little baby boy :)

Thank you so much for taking part

Love to you,

Carly x

Danielle Holsapple said...

What a special little angel....I adore it. And you did get a wonderful picture of Clarence. Thanks for sharing under the tree....